I know, my life is totally amazing….
…. on Instagram at least.
This I responded, sassy-like, when someone at the studio mentioned she had seen my social media and wished she had the courage to do adventurous things.
My feed depicts curated snapshots of an entrepreneur, explorer and parent. A life that, from the outside anyway, appears big and shiny and adventurous and confident and all of those things.
In real time, though, I act and feel all of the deeply human shits: Not enough. Too much. Lonely. Controlling. Neutoric. Afraid of excruciating, painful things.
So: acting and thinking human.
I work in the wellness space. I do not have it together much of the time. I’m highly skeptical of any yoga professional that claims they do, or maintains that they “formerly” did X (insert fearful, manipulative, neurotic thing here), but now absolutely-100%-for sure-no way- no longer do X because they practice yoga. Specifically, coincidentally, the yoga they have to sell.
Therefore, I’ve long made it a mission – through my writing and teaching – to dial down the fraudulent-shiny-happy in this profession.
No matter who you are, the truth is the human condition is a long, windy road full of failures and bumps and small, sometimes barely perceptable victories. For me, I’m better at being me and am not nearly as much of a jerk when I do my yoga practice and meditations regularly.
“Regularly” for my constitution is 3-4 times a week. I do this sometimes in my living room (free, btw), sometimes at my own studios, and sometimes at other studios who do good things. What “regularly” looks like for you will be different. It might not even involve yoga.
I fall off my practice wagon pretty often because I lean toward tired and lazy and in a hot second can easily talk myself into Real Housewives with pasta rather than meditating. When I fall off, I always feel (and act) far more neurotic and needy and angry than I’d like.
You might not know that, though, because we mostly compare our insides with someone else’s outsides.
Example: Not long ago, someone at work told me that I had the confidence of a white, straight, male.
As if it were a compliment.
I get that she was feeling insecure, and her illusion was that I did not feel insecure, and the majority of us are conditioned to default to white-maleness as the measure of security.
If you want to know the truth, I cried in the shower today because I’m lonely. Not because I lack fulfilling relationships, but because, no matter how my relationships look, my default constitution is that of a lonely introvert. The whys of that – and my low boil anger – I may tackle in another post.
This blog has not much to do with yoga, really. Initially, I set out writing to share a link of a podcast I recently recorded, plus my current favorite blog posts for your enjoyment during holiday travel or free time.
What flowed onto the keyboard, instead: No matter what, every single one of us has to get up in the morning and do hard things, because hard things never really stop.
Like ever. No matter who we are, how we appear from the outside or how ‘strong’ our yoga practice is.
Also no matter what: every single one of us has the courage and grit to do hard things.
Be gentle with yourself this holiday season. It’s ok to feel human. Harness your innate strength to step into your own fabulous shoes, which are custom made for you. We at Twist Yoga are here on a somewhat modified schedule if you need support or to practice in community.
Also, the easist way to view our live schedule and plan your classes is with our Twist Yoga Studios App. Pretty please download and use it?? It is silly expensive to maintain so we get excited when we see use. Plus, the MindBody Connect App tracks/sells your activity. Just sayin’.
Oh, since I mentioned it, what I consider worth reading these days:
On the human experience, by Anne Lamott
On women, doing it all, by Kristi Coulter
On women’s egos in recovery, by Holly Whitaker
On women over 40 in tech (satire, kind of. Not really)
Roe v Wade, by Lindy West.
On fixing sexism, by Lindy West (actually… can I just recommend anything by Lindy West??)