I cried all day on day 5 of my most recent stay in India. All day.

During morning practice, I bumped up against something that was hard. Really hard. Typically, I figure out a way to skirt things that are difficult – I modify; or avoid, or choose an easier path. In fact, I’ve made a life practice of figuring out ways NOT to suffer.

But I made a promise to myself that this trip to India, I’d do the work. I’d stay with discomfort, even if it got really challenging. So I pushed through a particularly painful, fire-hot muscle-searing kundalini kriya, in the middle of which I internally screamed: Fuuuuck this is SO hard!

Then I heard her voice, which I haven’t heard for decades, but it was as clear as it was 30 years ago: “I know”.

It held all of the empathy and understanding that I’ve so desperately longed for my entire adult life. She understood. And then she gifted me with her presence through the rest of practice; held me as I broke wide open.

All day I felt exhausted; but the next day I woke up with this inner wisdom: no matter what happens, I’ve got this.

Anyone who has created space for themselves on retreat will attest there is magic in doing so. Especially India, in all of her high vibrational chaos: There is less attachment to time and control, which helps us to drop resistance. We feel more; we see ourselves clearer.  This is magic: Nothing gets in the way of the current moment.

Closer to home, our neighborhood yoga studios hold divinity. But we must be willing to stay with the work when things get hard.

The remainder of my time in India, I was able to tap into my inner knowing; that wisdom that shows me my innate intelligence and divine light. But no question, things will be difficult again. And when they are, I will do the work.

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